3 fics

A/N: I'm not great at crossposting, so I have a bit of a backlog. The humour is these is closer to mild slapstick than to true crack, but I think they might belong here anyway. :)

Title: Would-be Thieves
Author: [personal profile] walking_tornado
Beta: [personal profile] firesign10
Genre: RPF non-AU
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: G
Wordcount: ~1k
Summary: A security guard stumbles upon a tipsy Jared and Jensen.
read on AO3
read on Dreamwidth


Title: The Naked Cowboy
Author: [personal profile] walking_tornado
Beta: [personal profile] firesign10
Genre: RPF AU
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: ~6k
Summary: Jared’s vacation takes a turn for the better when he snaps a photo of naked Jensen.
read on AO3
read on Dreamwidth


Title: Cake Jumping
Author: [personal profile] walking_tornado
Genre: RPF AU
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, (implied future Jared/Jensen/JDM)
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: ~800 words
Summary: Jared surprises Jensen on his birthday.
read on AO3
read on Dreamwidth
Entry tags:

Cracked Recs

I posted these to my journal the other day and [livejournal.com profile] meus_venator asked me to repost them here. Yes why? Why haven't I thought about it myself?

Go and read. They're all under 5k!

Title: Mr. Piggles Makes A Match
Author: [livejournal.com profile] destina
Wordcount: 4.200 words
Warnings: none
Summary: In a bizarre kind of way - and really, that's the story of their lives - the whole thing with Jared and Jensen started with laundry.

more crack under the cut... )

fic: Divine Fruit Ltd.

Title: Divine Fruit Ltd.
Author: [livejournal.com profile] walking_tornado
Pairing/Genre: Jared/Jensen, RPF AU, crack
Rating: R
Warnings: none

Summary: Jensen is a peach and Jared is a banana. (written for spn_masquerade)

Read at my LJ

fic: Better Than a Chocolate Bunny

Title: Better Than a Chocolate Bunny
Author: [livejournal.com profile] walking_tornado
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Wordcount: 1.3k
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: none

Summary: Jensen one-ups the Easter Bunny.

Read at my LJ

Cracked rec: Sheepehs, Clouds, Puffs, and Fluffs by [profile] keep_waking_up




Title: Sheepehs, Clouds, Puffs, and Fluffs
Author/Artist: [livejournal.com profile] keep_waking_up
Status of work: completed
Characters and/or pairings: JDM/JP
Rating: NC-17
Warnings, kinks & contents: werelion!Jared, fluff, outsider (sheep) POV, age difference
Wordcount: 3019
Summary: Even with a mate, Jeff still has to hunt.  That doesn’t mean Jared’s happy about it.

Reccer's notes: Alway a great writer [livejournal.com profile] keep_waking_up gifts us with a particularly lovely piece here. It starts with JDM, a bit at his wits end coping with his new and overly exuberant (as only Jared could be) werelion mate. [livejournal.com profile] keep_waking_up spins this tale with a particularly deft hand and the tone is pitch perfect in its portray of kindly, and a little overwrought JDM. The shift to the Morgan sheeps POV was wonderfuly unexpected and brilliantly handled. She manages to easily capture all the enthusiasm and innocent charm of Jared the werelion as he struggles with a new language and culture, all the while imparting his absolute adoration of his mate. A charming, delightful story, beautifully crafted. You should go read.

Note: This is the second story in the series but it was so much fun dropping in in the middle. The first fic that kicked off this story is here: The Fluff Hunter.

Fic: How Dinosaurs Brought Them Orgasms

Title: How Dinosaurs Brought Them Orgasms
Authors: [livejournal.com profile] ashtraythief and [livejournal.com profile] somersault_j
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: CRACK, dildos, comment fic collaboration between ash and me
Length: 1.400 words


Summary: Jensen is a total nerd, wearing dino underwear. Jared really likes it.

Fic: Late Nights at the Zoo

Title: Late Nights at the Zoo
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Words: ~2,000

Summary: Jared and Jensen really love each other. With Chad’s help, they take the next step.
Warnings/Kinks: tiger!Jared, panda!Jensen, schmoop, porn
Disclaimer: This did not happen. Ever. Seriously.
Notes: This month’s [livejournal.com profile] smpc. Timestamp to Night at the Zoo, in which Jared the tiger falls in love with Jensen the panda and despite zoo fences, they make it work. Written for my kittehs [livejournal.com profile] alycat, [livejournal.com profile] keep_waking_up, and [livejournal.com profile] kinkajou who demanded wished for tiger/panda porn for Christmas Valentine’s. To the absolute surprise to no one, I obliged. I still know nothing about zoo procedures. Many, many thanks for [livejournal.com profile] fiercelynormal for the beta!

This way to the porn!

Fic: The Unconventional Problems of Jared the Human and his Shifter Mate Jensen

Title: The Unconventional Problems of Jared the Human and his Shifter Mate Jensen
Pairing: R
Rating: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: 2877
Warnings: fluff, punny song references, abortive attempt at sentient bestiality (by the animal), etc.

Summary: Jared’s got ninety-eight problems, and all of them are male and occasionally feline.


Fic: The S&M Adventures

Title: The S&M Adventures
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Words: ~1,800

Summary: When Gerald Slicer watched the squirrel in his backyard, it should have made him suspicious. It didn’t. It was the last mistake he ever made.
Warnings/Kink: moose!jared, squirrel!Jensen, violence, minor character death, sex (yes, I am not kidding), partly outsider POV
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of this. In fact, I still don’t believe I’ve written this. I am definitely making no profit off of this.
Notes: So I’m trying to write a fic that should have been done ages ago. It just won’t flow. Then my roommate sneezed like a homicidal rodent and this happened. I don’t know, people. I think this might be the most insane thing I’ve ever written. And I’ve written dino porn. You have been warned.
Thank you, so much, to my steadfast beta linvro21 who puts up with all my weirdness without batting an eye. Or so she claims… All remaining mistakes are clingy bastards.

ficlet: behind the mask

Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG??
Word Count: ~1k
Warnings/enticements?: J2 as raccoons.

Summary:
Of all the stupid things Jared's done, getting him and his husband turned into raccoons for the night probably tops the list.

Fic here | SFW Jaredcoon ART by [livejournal.com profile] kinkajou Here

FIC: Delicious (Jared/Jensen, NC-17)

Title: Delicious
Author: [livejournal.com profile] tebtosca
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2131 words
Warnings: Goldilocks!Jensen, Big Bad Wolf Jared, somnophilia (noncon), knotting, wolfy behavior, bastardization of fairy tale characters, crack

Summary: Jensen the Narcoleptic goes in search of the Big Bad Wolf to get his best friend's red cape back.

Fic: Bosoms (or the Lack Thereof)

Title: Bosoms (or the Lack Thereof)
Author: keep_waking_up
Beta: deceptivemirror
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3825
Warnings: uber crack, creature!Jensen, comeplay, wings
A/N: This is an extremely belated birthday present for the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] ashtraythief (and also doubles as my [livejournal.com profile] smpc).  Hopefully you enjoy the cracky goodness!
Summary: In which Jared’s king sends him out to a woo a maiden for him and the maiden turns out not to be a maiden.


FIC: My Zombie and Me (Jared/Jensen NC-17)

Title: My Zombie and Me
Author: [livejournal.com profile] tebtosca
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2226 words
Warnings: cracky psuedo-zombie necro

Summary: IT tech Jared finds The Walking Dead fanfic on his work crush's computer and decides to do something about it.

Under the Sea

Title: Under the Sea
Rating: NC-17ish?
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: ~1k
Warnings: orca-porn, prehensile orca-penises, and suicidal halibut

Summary: Jared really wants to touch fins with that hot Orca he's seen swimming around.

A/n: I'm blaming my flist for this. Ladies. You know who you are. Read at your own risk.


Jared took a deep breath before he plunged deep into the cool water off the San Juan Islands.

The Pretty Pretty Peacock

Title: The Pretty Pretty Peacock
Author: [livejournal.com profile] heartblowswild
Pairing: J2
Rating: PG
Summary: Based on this prompt from [livejournal.com profile] spn_masquerade: Jensen is a werepeacock. Jared is a wereflamingo. Strangeness ensues. They aren’t weres in this fic though, just a flamingo trying to attract the love of his life, a peacock. The art is better. Go see it here: Love Birds by [livejournal.com profile] kinkajou.

The Pretty Pretty Peacock

REC: Dildos vs. Pepperoni Pizza







Title: The 30-Year-Old Virgin
Author/Artist: [livejournal.com profile] tebtosca
Status of work: completed
Characters and/or pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Warnings, kinks & contents: awkward sexy times, crack-adjacent
Wordcount: 4431
Summary: Jensen is a grumpy virgin sex shop owner. Jared is a male model moonlighting as a pizza delivery guy. This is what happens when they accidentally meet.

Reccer's notes: Nobody eats pizza in this fic. There's a whole bunch of not-so-helpful friends and Chad being Chad. There are condom balloon animals and someone died in a tragic accident involving a ring gag and an overripe plantain. Just read it already! And don't forget to check out [livejournal.com profile] siennavie's cracktastic art (the vid!).

Fic: Purple Satin

Title: Purple Satin
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 5,013
Warnings: crack, fluff, vampire!Jared, light blood!play, staking of a vampire (not Jared), some crude language
Summary: Written for [livejournal.com profile] kinkajou. Jensen was only down at the vamp club on a hunt.  Some weirdly cheerful vegetarian vamp flirting with him was definitely not in the plans.


Fic: The One (Knot)

Title: The One (Knot)
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,216
Warnings: A/B/O, crack, knotting, fairytale curses, rimming, self-lubrication, heat, mating
Prompt:  Prompted by [livejournal.com profile] wendy to [livejournal.com profile] alezig on twitter and I stole the prompt: Sword and the Stone-style: First one to make Jared’s knot pop gets to keep him. Many try, only Jensen (true love) succeeds.

Summary: Jared got cursed by the king from the neighboring kingdom, so Jared’s father cursed that king’s son right back.  Sometimes things can really backfire.